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That depends on who the counsoler is. As a childhood victim of divorce and then having to file for divorce myself i do have some understanding in this situation. There are some shady counselors out there, who like to inflict their own lives into a couples who are trying to figure things out themselves. While i was my father re-married and my stepmother used to beat the hell out of me. In the beginning i tried to combat it, but it just got me into more trouble. I learned at a age to play the game and keep my mouth shut and do what i was told by my stepmother. I married, and ex at the time had a 7 yr old daughter. It was very dificult in the beginning as i was not allowed to disciplin my step daughter. I can remember one instance where my step daughter told me to shut up from the back seat of our car! Nothing was said or done because i wasnt allowed to act like her father. Any counsoler tell you that in order for any 2nd-time-around family to work it needs to work as one unit, and not several smaller units. need to know where they stand on the pecking order, and realize they cant play their natural parent off the step parent. Its not right and its not fair. IMHO i think that divorcees get so wrapped up in finding someone who accept us for who we are and show us the kind of loving relationship that we desired that we tend to forget we have little ones in tow. It isnt until both sides get re-married and co-mingle under one roof that we find out that really dont adjust to change as easily as we hoped.

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